How To Build Self-Esteem

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1. Celebrate your humanness:
Take down the walls. Stop playing a role. Let people see who you are. Stop criticizing yourself. See every mistake as an opportunity to grow.

2. Love yourself unconditionally:
Keep your heart open to yourself no matter what. Love yourself when you’re feeling depressed, angry, scared, sad, hurt, jealous, and lonely. Don’t abandon yourself!!

3. Appreciate yourself regularly:
Notice all of the things you like about yourself-your talents, abilities, unique qualities. Acknowledge yourself constantly. Tell yourself the things you always wanted to hear from others.

4. Pay attention to yourself:
Notice what you like and don’t like. Make time for what you love to do. Reward yourself. Give yourself special pleasures.

5. Be aware of your feelings and learn to express them honestly:
Your feelings show who you are and what really matters to you. Learn to recognize old feelings and find a safe place to release them (support groups, therapist, journal or close friend). Tell the whole truth fast and say it with love.

6. Learn to give and receive love:
Give sincere compliments and receive compliments graciously. Let people love you by showing them who you really are and asking for what you need. Give only what you want to give from your heart and know that it is enough. Giving more than you want to leads to resentment. Hug and hold the people you love and ask for hugs or holding when you need it.

7. Write a history of the development of your self-esteem or lack thereof:
Include childhood, schooling, role models, and relationships. Make a list of the beliefs you took on about yourself as a result of these experiences. Turn the negative beliefs into positive affirmations and affirm them to yourself regularly. EXAMPLE: negative belief: “I am bad. I never do anything good enough.” Positive affirmation:” am good. My best is good enough.” Do connected breathing while affirming the positive affirmation and allow any sadness or anger to move through. You know when you are finished, when all you feel is gratitude and love for self.

8. Love your inner child:
Use your imagination to dialogue, hold, and comfort the child within you, so he/she can grow up to be a healthy, happy adult.

9. Forgive and release yourself from the past:
Forgive your parents, old friends, lovers, bosses, etc., whenever possible. Most importantly, forgive yourself. You did the best you could with what you knew at the time!!

10. Take responsibility for yourself and your life:
Take responsibility for updating your programming, so that you can create a life consciously chosen by you, not your parents or your culture.

11. Practice self hypnosis 15 minutes every day:
Relax your body. Imagine being in a peaceful, beautiful place. Imagine what it would be like if you already had good self-esteem: how your life would be; how you would be spending your time; what you would be doing or feeling differently than you are now.

12. Follow your intuition:
Intuition is not your emotions or your intellect. It is a gut feeling that says when something feels right and when it doesn’t. Take action on what your gut says.

13. Be grateful:
Make a list of all the things you are grateful for weekly. Include all of the things you are grateful for about yourself.

14. Develop a positive attitude toward your life:
Keep a journal where you enter your successes, thankfuls, and desires. Write down very specifically what you want in your life-career, relationships, home, car, self-esteem, spiritual connection, etc. Over time you will see the items on the desire list turn up on your thankful or success list.

15. Make your living doing what you love to do:
If you spend your time doing something you hate, you are telling yourself that you are not important. Find a way to make money doing what you love, or use your creativity to make the job you have a job you love.

16. Determine the purpose of your life:
The true purpose of your life usually has to do with expressing yourself fully in the world and using your talents to make the world better. Commit yourself to doing what feels important to you and make that your priority.

17. Take care of yourself and your body
Eat healthy foods. Exercise regularly. Get massages. Make prevention your priority regarding health, not trying to fix it after you have destroyed your health.

18. Pursue true intimacy:
Be sure you have at least one person in your life that you can pour your heart out to on any subject and he/she will support you in being yourself, in growing, and in getting what you want. Be that kind of person to someone in your life.

19. Laugh! Have Fun!
Develop your sense of humor. Make time for fun and laziness. Let your body be your guide at least one day per week: sleep when the body is tired; eat when it is hungry; play when it is ready; cry when there are tears. No “shoulds” on these days.