The solution is for both parties to become conscious of their unconscious, hidden agendas and to find creative ways to get those needs met from within self first. This usually requires the help of a qualified counselor/therapist. However, the book Getting the Love You Want: a Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix, ©1988, is a good way to discover what some of your hidden agendas might be and how to heal them. This book refers to the Imago, which is the unconscious image of our ideal mate, complete with hidden agendas.
Another aspect of healing through the relationship includes choosing to give each other what the other wants, which is typically the hardest thing to give. However, doing this helps each person balance out their psyche for the better. As in the before mentioned example, the partner that wants more space and time for self chooses to gift their partner more time and attention in order to heal the part of them that fears closeness and intimacy. The partner that craves more time and attention chooses to gift their partner more free time and space and uses this time to deal with their childhood pain, rather than making their partner responsible for it.
Your partner can’t make up for the wounding you received from a less than ideal childhood. That healing must happen from within self and often requires the assistance of a qualified counselor/therapist.