This is a lifetime recovery job. It is also very rewarding and healing. The process of recovering from an abusive and/or dysfunctional background is two fold. It involves processing through to completion childhood themes and events, and involves changing the relationship patterns in the present with members of your family of origin and everyone in your circle of life.
As long as your mother, father, grandparents, siblings, etc., are pushing your buttons and calling the shots, you will remain a child. True adulthood happens when you are your voice of authority and you speak your truth with kind conviction. This also means being willing to let others be disappointed or even angry and still holding your ground.
Recommended reading for recovering from family dynamics: Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child by John Bradshaw, ©1990; Healing the Shame That Binds You by John Bradshaw, ©1988; Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Susan Forward, ©1989.